International - Which Country?

It's a new year, and the time seems right to begin our long-awaited journey of international adoption.

The very first question is -
From which country do we adopt?

Initially we had no preferences...the world was wide open. We were just interested in helping a little soul out there achieve their purpose. We would be honored to participate in the Divine Plan in this way.

Our preferences -
Short wait time
Child of color (since most people seem to prefer white babies)
Child from a Country in need
A country that we connect with
An ethnic group that's represented in our part of America
We prefer to have the option *not* to travel
We prefer to *not* spend tons of money


Exclusion Criteria -
Those countries we aren't to qualified to adopt from
Countries that require more than one trip
Countries that require extended trips
Unstable programs
Overly expensive programs/countries
Super long wait times
Those countries lacking American Agency representation
Controversial or shady operations
Severe political unrest such that business cannot be conducted

After a bit of research and information gathering, we were able to eliminate some countries immediately. Some because they didn't fit us...and some because we don't fit their requirements. Our serious final considerations included the following:

China - It seems everyone is interested in adopting a Chinese girl - which is great. But when I look at my own kids, and think about how difficult it is to place 'kids that look like mine'...I'm very much drawn to adopt a child who may be otherwise 'difficult to place'. With China being so popular, I don't feel that the children are hurting for good homes. Additionally, as a country, I'm not very impressed with China these days.

On a practical level, the wait times for a healthy Chinese infant/toddler is about 3 years. That's just too long.

India - I would love to adopt an Indian baby. I love the culture, the country is progressing in the right direction, and the Indian population here is quite large. The kids are generally healthy, and the country is an English speaking country and is used to dealing with Americans. We've even considered traveling to India, and possibly making a home there. The Indians here are a welcoming group with rich culture that's actually becoming mainstream American. We feel that and Indian child would "fit" into our family, and not feel like 'the only one of his/her kind.' (more on this later)

Practically, however, India doesn't let non-Indians adopt their children. There are some special circumstances, exceptions, etc...but in general, only Indians can adopt Indian children. We're not Indian...so that's a no go.

Guatemala - Latin America was very attractive, nearby, and a very familiar culture to us in California. The wait times are very short, and the babies are well cared for.

Practically, many agencies have closed their Guatemalan programs. There was some controversy over the "integrity" of the adoption process. We're not interested in unstable programs that are fraught with controversy. We simply love the idea of helping a child who exists in the world by supplying them with a forever family in which to thrive. We have no interest in stealing children, or otherwise participating in shady adoption practices.

Colombia - on the short list for the same reasons as other Latin American countries. But, travel is required, which is a drawback.

Ecuador - infertility is required by some agencies. Travel required, two trips typical.

Haiti - seemed like a very viable option. Plus side - children of color (that are more difficult to place); will likely more readily fit into our family. Great need, and familiarity.

Practically, the program is new with lots of setbacks and kinks. Additionally, the time period from referral to arrival home is over a year. That's too long.

Zambia - on the plus side, very simple process. You actually go a 'choose' your child from the orphanage (with associated pluses and minuses). There are lots of kids there who *really* need homes.

Drawback is the program is very unstable...and there are/were no American agencies who'll represent you over there.

Sierra Leone, Liberia, Ghana (and other West African Countries) - the programs are few, unpredictable, and unstable. Adoption has enough innate unpredictability.

South Africa - has closed adoptions to Americans.

Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan - all require extended stays in the countries, or multiple visits. We cannot interrupt our lives traveling and such with our two children, our jobs, and our lives here. Also, the expense is outrageous. The price people pay for a white baby.

Bulgaria, Georgia, and other Eastern European countries - all require travel, some with extended stays and multiple trips.

Cambodia - requires you to live there for a period of time. We had no plans to move.

USA - we of course thought about the here. I'll explore this in another post on 'domestic vs. international.'

So, a handful of countries remained:

Taiwan, South Korea - close runner-ups. But, given the choice, we don't want to travel. Eliminating Taiwan. South Korea was a finalist.

but - I have a "friend" (someone I know) who was adopted from Korea by a Caucasian family. Major issues with this for her. Being the only Asian in her world, she felt isolated. Even when she interacted with other Koreans in America, it was apparent that she was not "Korean." I understand how it feels being "the only one." It's no fun. Since we're not Korean, cannot pass for Korean, and really don't know many Koreans....that 'isolation issue' was a concern for me. Afterall, this adoption isn't just about us. And it seems to us that many Asian cultures are very exclusive, tight knit, and value lighter skin and caucasian races. Where we live, it's quite uncommon for African (Americans) to really intimately interact with Asian groups. Being that our family is African, German, Irish, etc...we thought we'd further isolate an Asian child in America by sheer prejudice of our society. Major consideration...and seems too contrived and complicated.

Whereas...

Ethiopia - (Ultimately our choice). Ethiopia has a very stable adoption program. It's quick, simple, and short. It's not overly expensive, and there are multiple American agencies who work in the country. It doesn't require any traveling, at all (which was huge for us). Even if travel is desired, only one 1week trip is taken. The children are not as "desired" by the rest of the world (being brown-skinned and all)...and the conditions in the country helps one feel good knowing that, by adopting this child you are actually participating in helping him/her realize their greatest achievements. The culture is rich, the history impressive. There is a large East African population in California. The children are beautiful, and will fit into our family perfectly. And connecting with Africa in this way...seems like destiny. Africa - where life began!!

Additionally, an Ethiopian child will not likely feel 'like the only one' or out of place in our family. Our Ethiopian child will be African-American...like the rest of us African Americans. Same issues, same external perceptions. It will not be obvious that the child is adopted (although that's not a big issue for us, but considering the child it's something to at least consider)...a sense of family/belonging, is good for the Soul. An Ethiopian child will likely not feel like 'the only one.' Nor will their attempts to reconnect with Ethiopian culture in California be difficult.

So, we decided on Ethiopia. Ethiopian kids need our help. They aren't as "desired" by the masses, making them a top choice for me. The program is stable, relatively inexpensive, quick, and no travel is required. We fit the requirements as a family, and we think that an Ethiopian child will really thrive in our family. We are very interested in expanding our worldly perspective, and Africa is the perfect place to start!!