2/29 - The STATE Police Clearance letter via CA Dept of Justice

The letter arrived today!!

So, our dossier is complete!! We just need to actually have (in hand) our homestudy report, and homestudy agency license (notarized) to take with us to Sacramento...maybe this week!!

Obtaining this letter wasn't clear or intuitive at all...
...here are the steps.

Refer to this website - Office of the Attorney General DOJ.

Take note of the far right hand column about half-way down - the information about "Visa/Immigration and Foreign Adoptions".

Download this form, as instructed.

Fill it out using this guideline. - note, check the 'visa/immigration' box; write "Foreign Adoption" on the line.

Find a Livescan facility to get your fingerprints done (this is a separate livescan from the one you do for your homestudy agency; and they cannot 'save' fingerprints on the computer, so you have to do it twice, and pay twice). Be sure to get a copy of the form - especially making sure the numbers on the bottom of the form (ATI number, agency and terminal numbers) are clear...you may need them to check on your results via the automated system.

You'll likely want to check the status of the fingerprints if you haven't received them after a week: 24-hour Automated Telephone Service Available: 916-227-4557. If a requesting agency does not have results yet and digital Live Scan fingerprints were submitted, you can use the automated telephone system to check on your submission. You will need the following information: (1) your date of birth; and (2) the 10-digit Automated Transaction Identifier (ATI) number that appears at the bottom of the Department of Justice form requesting Live Scan fingerprint background checks. The ATI number always appears in the following sequence: 1 LETTER; 3 NUMBERS; 3 LETTERS and 3 NUMBERS. - from the DOJ website.

They will mail you a printout to your home - no criminal record may take 1 day. Yes criminal record? Took 35 days for us.

The printouts arrived looking very unofficial (just a printout); like something I could do on my home computer. Didn't seem "right" or "official." So....

I called DOJ. Of course I got the run around as most of the automated pre-recorded messages (you'll encounter on their website) are not very helpful - so I left a message (on two of the voicemails). I spoke with a few people (at this point in the process) who tried to tell me I'd need another livescan...my agency needs to provide me with a certain requisition paper, etc. (I think they were confused with livescan #1...nonetheless, they didn't know what they were talking about).

But there is one person who was tremendously helpful: (916) 227-3807, her name is Lena. Her voice mail instructs you to leave a message and she'll return the call within 2 business days. Actually, everyone returned our call that same day, or the next day...so go ahead and leave a message.

She understood what we had, and what we were missing (i.e. we "had the printout, we were only missing the 'letter'). She said she'd mail us a letter, on letterhead with a seal. Two days later, a letter arrived - on letterhead with a Seal impression and signature. Attached to the letter was a printout (the same printout they initially mailed to us sans the letter). So, again, after getting the print-out, we had to call Lena and have her subsequently mail us the 'letter.' Maybe the letter should have come initially with the printout?? but it didn't.

Letter done and in hand - looks very official in comparison. Take to Sacramento to the Secretary of State Office for authentication:

How do I get my response notarized as required by the foreign government from where I am attempting to adopt a child? The Department of Justice does not provide notarized responses, however, your response may be submitted to the California Secretary of State Office for an Apostille Certification.

Per the Secretary of State website:
Documents can be hand delivered to any office location for over-the-counter processing between the hours of 8:00 am and 4:30 pm, Monday through Friday (excluding holidays) or mailed to the Sacramento office. Regional offices do not process mailed in documents. Office locations are as follows:

Sacramento Office (for hand delivery)
Notary Public Section
1500 11th Street, 2nd Floor
Sacramento, CA 95814
(916) 653-3595

Regional Offices (see website for addresses)
Fresno
Los Angeles
San Diego
San Francisco

When submitting documents to any of our offices for over-the-counter processing, no appointment is necessary. Customers are served on a “first come first serve” basis.
Documents submitted for over-the-counter processing are normally processed within an hour. The average processing time for documents submitted by mail is approximately two weeks.
There is a $20.00 processing fee (per signature authenticated) and a $6.00 special handling fee (per public official for documents submitted over the counter).

Payments over-the-counter in Sacramento can be made by check, money order, cash, or credit card (Visa or MasterCard).

3/3 - Homestudy mailed to USCIS San Francisco Office

2/28/08

Yay!!

I went down to our HS agency to drop off the police incident report letter (just in case USCIS requests it - eventhough the certifed court papers we provided indicate that all charges were dropped), and while there explained to them that the Placement Agency guy was in Ethiopia....and will be back next week.

So she said..."you know, I'll just go ahead and mail the homestudy to the USCIS so you can get your fingerprinting appointment..." she went on to say that she'll just provide us two notarized copies of both the agency license and the homestudy report...so we can continue preparing our dossier. If the Placement agency requires more copies, she'll just provide them at that time.

So, forward progress continues....

Update: 3/3/08
Homestudy was actually mailed to USCIS on 3/3/08 per HS agency.

The reason for the delay with the placement agency's response.

I just received a response from a fellow prospective adoptive parent on the group forum. Apparently the director of the Placement agency, Radu, is in Ethiopia now. So, communication is likely delayed for that reason. It's nice to know that he actually goes over there...and really is involved in making things go smoothly (and sometimes your presence is just absolutely necessary to making this happen).

But, with the lack of communication - I was starting to worry....
...and now I won't as much (for now).

Even still, business must continue...so I hope he's back in the mix soon.

2/27 - Waiting for the Placement Agency to review the Homestudy

So, the homestudy was sent to the placement agency on 2/25. The HS agency is closed on Fridays, so business wasn't conducted from 2/22-2/24 (friday to sunday). I expected that the placement agency would have the info on Monday the 25th, review it, and be done with it by Wednesday 2/27 (today). I emailed Radu (informing him of the completed homestudy, etc) on Friday 2/22 - and I'm still waiting for a reply.

I'm hoping that he'll reappear, review the homestudy, and let our HS agency know it's okay...so they can mail it tomorrow. But, they have to notarize everything...and the don't work on Friday. So, maybe Monday.

I'm a bit frustrated that it's taking so long for the placement agency to at least respond...

As for the dossier - pretty much everything is done. Just waiting for the elusive state police clearance letters (oh yeah, the local police letter is not sufficient we were told).

Homestudy Complete!! 2/21

Our homestudy is all done!! All documents are in, the report written...and ready for review by our placement agency (to make sure the wording and such are consistent with the requirements of the Ethiopian Government). We've already reviewed it...and we sound like wonderful parents!! :o)
***

After the reviewing by the placement agency of our homestudy report...the homestudy agency will notarize everything and send it to the USCIS, afterwhich we can obtain an appointment for our FBI fingerprinting...
...hopefully our homestudy will be in the USCIS office next week

Also, we got the police explanation letter for the civil disobedience issue.

Next?...acquisition of the state police clearance letters for the dossier, and one more notarization of a letter of reference (for the dossier).
-Those items will actually complete our dossier!! (of course, along with the I-171H).

Travel vs. Escort

We're actually starting to really reconsider our initial thoughts of escort and rather go for the travel!!

How wonderful would a visit to Africa be? I tried to talk my mom into going with us...afterall we do have 2 kids that we just cannot leave behind, and her presence would be greatly appreciated. Afterall, a large part of this entire process involves educating ourselves and our children and our family about a different place.

I think my mom is actually excited. And she is not easily impressed!!

If we plan to travel...we have to prepare. There are various health issues to consider, making vaccinations, medications, and travel insurance a priority.

Today I contacted the kids pediatrician (she spent over 20 years at Children's Hospital before going to Kaiser, so I'm hoping she ends up being a valuable resource to us). Based on the CDC website (and other websites) the kids will need:

Meningiococcal
Hepatitis A
Typhoid
Yellow Fever

in addition to the above, I will need a
Polio Booster
titers drawn to check my immunity to MMR

in addition to both aboves, Hubby will need
tetanus, diptheria booster
Hepatitis B series

Thankfully, Addis Ababa is at an altitude where Malaria isn't a risk.

Things to watch and consider: health issues, safety (i.e. any American travel warnings), timing, cost...and of course overall planning the trip (flights, hotels, layovers, etc).

Something else to add to the mix...

(2/16) Passport photos. Bank letter. Employment letter. Fingerprint results. Next - Police letter? Dealing with fingerprinting results.

I love lists. Sometimes, after I complete a task I'll actually *write* it onto a list....just so I can cross it off said list!! Very gratifying for me to see a bunch of 'thing to do' crossed off a list...

Three more things crossed off....the bank letter (WaMu was great about this) with a nice post-15th payday balance. Called ahead of time, explained what I needed...and they said "sure."

Let me add, however, I had to call a couple of WaMu's before I got this response. So...of course, I simply went to the branch that was willing to give me what I needed. They typed the letter, printed it on letterhead...gave cumulative bank balances. Signed and notarized it there for free!! The first WaMu branch I called, downtown no less, would do the letter...but wouldn't notarize. The dude on the phone said "uhhhhh....we can't notarize letters in California..."

I informed him that between my husband and I....we must have at least 10 notarized *letters* in our possession....in California!! He didn't understand, and started making up his own 'notary rules' for the State....so I called another branch.

And passport photos are done. We have passports...but they asked for 'passport photos', not copies of our passports (which actually/technically have passport photos on them). Anyway, I'll check and see if everything is up to par before we're ready for authentication.

And hubby (finally) got the letter of employment notarized - had to bring a mobile notary into the office day before yesterday.

All that's left is....
The notarization of both the 'true-copy' form for our passport photos (I wonder if all the photos can be color-copied onto a single paper....like our family photos were?)

The notarization of our reference letters (which should be easy, as our friends are super enthusiastic for us...and "don't wanna be the cause of any delay." We have wonderful friends.

The police letter...it has been very difficult to obtain this as it is not clear what we need, exactly, nor who provides it to us (Highway patrol vs. Department of Justice), or how we actually gain possession of such a document. I'm thinking that just going down to our local police department, having them write a letter...bringing a mobile notary with us to notarize, will be sufficient. I've spoken to our local station, and they do such things "all the time." I'll let you know.

Oh, and it turns out hubby had his fingerprints run previously for civil disobedience...and now has to write a letter explaining what happened, and how it was resolved. Additionally, he has to go by the court house (and police station) and get a certified letter/record explaining the same. Hopefully this will be done over the weekend, and the court letter obtained sometime next week. When this is done, our homestudy agency will be able to complete our report. Again, hopefully this will be next week. And (the worrier in me) hopes that this will be easy, and won't prohibit us from progressing.

I'm hoping to have reviewed the homestudy report, have the placement agency have reviewed the report...and everything good to go to USCIS (next week would be nice, but dealing with the courts, and with all the 'reviewing' and possibly editing) the week after next.

Note: next time, we would have obtained a copy of the court record when we first started - just in case. If the incident is very minor, and even if you don't think you have to report it (i.e. charges were dropped, never charged with anything, speeding ticket...whatever), know that anytime your were fingerprinted for anything, it'll probably come up. Most people aren't fingerprinted for building code violations or traffic violations...so these minor things won't likely come up ('cause you weren't fingerprinted).

In short, next time we would get court records and write the letter preemptively- simply because fingerprinting took place at the time of the incident. We could have had this step done instead of waiting for the fingerprinting results (that were delayed).

fingerprint for HS agency...delay (2/12)

So now I guess it's the "wait part" of 'hurry up and wait'. I'm still totally psyched that the homestudy is all done...and that we passed. But there is a delay now in the processing of my husbands fingerprints.

After the fingerprints are done...the homestudy can *officially* be completed. Then we get to mail that homestudy to the USCIS...and obtain another set of fingerprints (which may or maynot have a quick turn-round time). After everything is approved...then we're hoping to get our 171-H form.

Nothing else I do to prepare our dossier is time sensitive since the actual rate limiting steps are obtaining the fingerprints (at this point).

Soo....we wait.

In the meantime, I'll go to the bank to get a letter this friday (after payday)...and I think we should make it a point to get our passport pix taken (and the little guy a passport).

I hope William will get the letters of rec signed/notarized by our friends....and the notarized employment letter from his HR. And, it would be nice if his fingerprint issue was resolved quickly.

Continue the Dossier Paperchase 2/5

While we await the *official* results of our homestudy (complete with fingerprint clearance, editing by us, the placement agency, and the homestudy agency itself); we continue gathering documents (and getting them notarized) for the dossier.

Second homestudy visit - 2/1

Haley and Ian are bathed and dressed up nice...afterall, this visit is to see them.

The lawn is done, and the dogs are...well they have fresh water.

The social worker comes over. She's more like a friend now...being that she knows our entire life and all. We sit...and chat. It's fun, and funny. The kids are in and out of the room. She talks to them, briefly. Nothing about adoption, disipline, or anything "heavy" is discussed with them. This was a huge souce of stress for me....'cause I know some pediatricians are of the mindset that it's okay to deposition kids about the ongoings of the parents behavior/habits with no reason to do so. "Does you mom have any boyfriends? Does your dad often work late? Do they argue, and what about?" Maybe these questions are okay if a reason exists to delve into the inner-workings of a family (such as child placement in adoption), but on a routine pedi visit...I don't think it's appropriate. Anyway, she didn't weigh the kids down with difficult questions, and suggest we're bad parents or that our family is being scrutinized and is somehow not measuring up. That was appreciated.

She watched them play. She watched them jump around. She went into their playroom and engaged Haley in random smalltalk.

Then she interviewed each of us alone. She asked more detailed questions and clarifications about our background, religion, families, etc.

Total visit was probably over 2 hours....but it was fun.

I jokingly asked if we'd passed. She said "with flying colors."

Yay us.

Now we can relax. All of my "what-if" scenarios involved opening our home, our lives, to a stranger for critique. And now, that was over...and we passed!!

Now we wait for the report.

Homestudy Paperchase (1/24-1/31)

The 2nd homestudy visit is the final visit, and at that time all papers must be completed and given to the social worker. So we had a week and days to gather all the requisite information.

There is a list of over 20 forms/documents/tasks to complete. Most just require digging thru your documents you have in your possession at home. Birth certificates, passport copies, grant deed to home, 1040 tax forms, marriage certificates, etc. There was a form for Haley's school teacher to fill out. We had to get physical exams, and have our physician complete the forms. We had to get our employers to do letters. And letters of recommendation from friends should be done.

Concurrently we're gathering (many of the same documents, except instead of being mere copies, certified originals/copies are required) for the dossier. Everything notarized. Letters to the government of Ethiopia, letter to the orphanage. Family photos. We got fingerprinted (again) so we can receive a printout letter ourselves...to have authenticated (vs. apostilled which depends on the country you're adopting from) as per dossier requirement.

We gather everything. We get our fingerprints done. We clean our house again. We are super nice to Haley...shower her with treats and everything...so she'll brag to the social worker about her wonderful parents (just kidding...kinda). We try to prepare her to speak well, and accurately. We're nervous.

The first homestudy visit - 1/23

The house was sparkling like new. We joked that we could be on HGTV...like design to sell. Everything was perfect. Almost unnatural, I thought. But whatever.

She arrived and we chatted a bit - small talk. We discovered that she had a child. This is a relief, because as all parents know, it's frustrating to argue/discuss parenting issues based on philosophy with someone who has no first-hand experience raising kids.

She spoke to both of us for about 90 minutes...together. She walked thru our house. We had to point out the spot we planned to use for baby. We explained to her that our plans were flexible, depending on the age of the child, and the desires of our own children with regard to sharing a room, etc. She seemed okay with that. She liked the kids (newly decorated) room. She even looked outside at our doggies (who had fresh water and a clean/poop-free yard, thank you).

Then it was over.

She wanted to return to interview each of us separately...and she needed to spend time with our children.

She agreed to return in a week and days, Saturday morning 2/2.

Livescan #2 - needed for the criminal clearance letter for the dossier

Before the homestudy time, we ran over to the livescan place and had our fingerprints recorded. For those of you going thru this:

for VISA/IMMIGRATION
Record Review
Mailed to your home

Turn around time for me was 1 day. Seriously, like the next day I had a clearance in the mail. Hubby's took longer.


Of NOTE:

Lesson: be sure to have the results of the livescan fingerprinting sent to your home. To do this you have to go online and download (on a PDF file) the form.

You will have questions, so check out the Office of the Attorney General's website; notice the right hand column, the information is pertinent to this process. In that column you'll notice a FAQ regarding obtaining a 'police clearance letter' (well, it actually says requesting visa/immigration clearance letter).

The part that seems most applicable to us is:

How do I get my response notarized as required by the foreign government from where I am attempting to adopt a child?
The Department of Justice does not provide notarized responses, however, your response may be submitted to the California Secretary of State Office for an Apostille Certification.

Preparing for our 1st home visit 1/18 - 1/23

Now it's on. Money has been paid....contracts exchanged. For the next week and days, we cleaned up our home. We purchased some new items of furniture. We washed our rugs and upholstery. We bought new rugs and pillows for the bedrooms. We even took our dogs to the groomer (afterall, what if she thinks to herself "wow, they can't even take care of their pets, much less another child!"). We tended to the yard (in the rain), and hauled some junk away. We washed the clothes, organized the house, and did a through cleaning in general. We were plenty busy for that week and days preparing to showcase our lives to a stranger.

Livescan #1 - 1/17

We went and got our fingerprints taken for our Homestudy Agency today. Very quick. My guess is that this fingerprinting includes child abuse registry index check. The results go to the adoption agency only.

Since we need a copy (to authenticate and include with the dossier), but didn't know this until the following day, we have to go back and get fingerprinted again. This is scheduled for 1/23.

I600A form - mailed 1/17

So, we had to intiate this process per our (brand new) adoption agency.

This form is the intial petition to bring an international orphan into the United States. With it you have to submit a form, money (of course), and supporting documentation. Our office required copies of our birth certificates, passports, proof of health insurance coverage for the adopted child, marriage certificate. Took a couple of days getting this info together. William had to travel to LA, so he picked up a few "extra" birth/marriage certificates for everyone (for >$200).

The USCIS asked for a cashier's check addressed to Department of Homeland Security...I sent a regular check (and fretted for days). But it was okay - they cashed it after a week.

We got verification that they received the info (about 1/23) and money, but would be waiting until a completed homestudy report was submitted before giving us a federal fingerprinting appointment.

Choosing a Placement Agency 1/13 - 1/17

This is a very difficult thing to do. But had to be done before I could mail the I600A - and should be done ASAP so I could collect appropriate documentation for the dossier as I collected my homestudy documents. Each placement agency requires a little something different.

I joined a couple/few groups, read a few blogs, and did lots of internet research. Joining the groups were a bit overwhelming at first because so much that's discussed is not applicable to you. Also, your hear stories of adoption (and international adoption) gone wrong...with unscrupulous agencies, and unstable programs. Almost paralyzing. How do I find a *licenced* agency, who is also *licenced* in Ethiopia? What are the pros-cons and considerations?

Well, I found a fairly reliable site with a group of agencies said to be legit and licenced in Ethiopia. The list was very reproducible, and member of the message boards were familiar with most. I wrote/called the final two, spoke with the program directors...and contacted references.

The Process of Choosing:
Well, first I wanted to make sure the Agency was licensed in Ethiopia. Some Agencies contract out their "Ethiopian Program" to one of the licensed agencies...and I wanted to be with a primary agency. At the time I sought information there were 15 agencies commonly known to be legit in Ethiopia.

We wanted the option of choosing gender - that eliminated Wide Horizons.

We wanted the option of escorting home - that eliminated many of the religious Christian ones, and Gladney.

We heard bad things about the operation of Christian World Adoption - so they were eliminated.

We want customer service and hand-holding - and heard the AFAA is not good in this area, so we eliminated them. For thousands of dollars, I want my hand held nice and tight. Besides, the wait was too long.

Some agencies have very long wait times - so we actually eliminated them. 18-24 months is too long. If the waits are long, lots of the paperwork (therefore time and money) is wasted.

In the end, there were a few left:

Better Futures Adoption Services - a brand new agency with only 4 kids home so far. But, very quick referral times, and the director is Ethiopian with strong relationships both here and there. She had good references, but they admitted to some snags secondary to the novelty of the organization. She was very hand-holding. Ultimately we decided against them because Ethiopia is the only country they represent, and if the situation change and we have to switch countries, we'd just be SOL with this agency. Also, when I did contact the agency, much of what they do is "form letter" format. I hate form letters. I asked 2-3 specific questions, and I get a 'form letter' informing of everything but the answers to my specific questions. When I called another agency for clarification...things were much clearer. So I went with them.

Adoption Advocates International - seemed okay, but the wait was much longer. They offered escort, got good reviews, love their website...and price is reasonable. More than one program, and established, licensed, with many happy clients. Again, the wait times (plus anticipated snags) could make it a 2 year process. Versus other agencies who've gotten kids home in 6 months. If all else is equal, I'd prefer *not* to wait 2 years.

Adoption Avenues and Dove
-both on the West Coast, which is a plus. Wait times are short, and escort is an option. You can pick the age/gender, and good customer service. The orphanage they use is in Addis Ababa (the major city), and the kids are well cared for. The price is reasonable.

In the end, Adoption Avenues' director is a physician...and he went out of his way to explain the process, answer questions and emails, and he had a great reputation on the message boards. He understood my situation as a physician (the debt, the financial situation in general). He's knowledgeable, and so far, I've appreciated his no-nonsense, 'just get your kid home safely' attitude. A local family who just completed the process and is home with their daughter had good and bad things to say about both agencies (since they work out of the same orphanage, many of the affiliated American families meet and share experiences). The bad things she said about AA seems to be related to logistics of the Ethiopian visit (the guest house...the guide...). But nothing unethical surfaced...or egregious activity that would black-list them in their minds.

Dove stated a slightly longer wait time...but overall was in our top 3. They were a bit sluggish getting information to us...and by the time we received it, we'd already made a decision - and sent our I600A. And, as stated above, there were some concerns expressed over the efficiency of the agency with regard to the United States paperwork portion of the process (eventhough the Ethiopian travel aspect was awesome).

Even still, we went back and forth (between our top 3-4), but the accessibility we felt with Radu at Adoption Avenues, and the physician thing, the West Coast thing, his ability to expedite the process on the front end, and the references we spoke with...

....helped push us towards Adoption Avenues.




Update: I've recently heard some "less than stellar" (understatement, bigtime) things about Dove...which makes me happy we didn't choose them.

Many of the references we spoke with regarding Adoption Avenues are home with their children...and their children are healthy and well-adjusted. Although maybe not perfect, I do hope that our agency likewise allows us to graduate to 'international adoptive parent' of a healthy, well-adjusted, Ethiopian baby girl.

Note: I would have joined the yahoo group adoption agency research (earlier) so I would have access to more information regarding choosing an agency.

Also, it would have been way less stressful to know that I didn't have to choose a Placement Agency at the time I sent the I600A form. I would have taken a bit more time, I think, to choose an agency (or maybe I wouldn't have, I don't know).

Finally, the book I recommended would have been awesome to have at this stage in the game.

Joined Internet Group Sites 1/14

I decided to join a couple/few internet groups....
...to help with decision making (i.e. choosing an agency)

Also, it'd would be nice to hear other stories, get tips and gather pearls. In just a couple of days I've learned so much. Information overload is anxiety provoking, and with so much information (and so many members), I had to condense it to daily "digests".

I've found a few excellent blogs. I'll post them on mine.



Note: I would have joined these adoption groups much sooner had I known they'd be so useful.

The Social Worker calls us - 1/13

On day 3, Sunday January 13th, our social worker called us. We had to complete our autobiographies prior to our first meeting with her. Our autobiographies were completed and sent to her on late monday night. Our first meeting with her was scheduled for Jan 23rd (a week and days later).

Homestudy Agency - Retainer Received 1/10

The retainer/contract was received by them on January 10th and an email was sent to us and they said a social worker should be in contact with us within 3 days.

Homestudy Agency - Application Accepted 1/7

Jan, 7th - Got a letter from Homestudy Agency...
....they accepted our application (and the fee).

Now we get to mail a retainer (larger fee) with a signed contract. We also had to open a fedex account.

Choosing Homestudy Agency - Application sent 1/3

I've always wanted to have both biological children, and adopt. I sorta feel 4 kids are too many (growing up as 1 of 4 kids). Time and resources are divided too many ways. I always thought 3 was a nice number...not too many, but still a nice sized family. A family with a presence. I've had 2 bio children, and they are wonderfully perfect. I was blessed with a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery x2. So, the third child...is to be adopted.

Although I've been thinking about adoption for years and years....I knew I wanted biological children first. I was well aware of the advantages reproducing at maximal fertility - as designed by Nature. I knew that being pregnant at 40 is not only a bit more risky (for both mom and fetus), but would be less pleasant physically.

Now, that I'm all done with growing parasites in my body that, takes over and zaps all your energy, and just generally wreck havoc being pregnant, I can focus on other things. Adoption being one of 'em.

Ian is 2...and now my "baby" is a little boy. When Haley was this age, I decided to "go for it one more time" and get pregnant with Ian. I'll bet it by design that pregnancy and births are typically 2-3 years apart in families. If so, it's no wonder why I feel ready for another baby.

So last summer I purchased an Adoption book. And last fall I purchased an International Adoption Book. In October I spoke with our hospital/ER social worker about agencies and the process. He directed me to another social worker whom I contacted a few weeks later. I contacted other people who may have some valuable information on adoptions. I did preliminary reading.

Then after Christmas, I was ready to proceed. I started investigating the requirement of various countries, reading adoption news, and researching agencies. I spoke with a few...but wasn't quite ready. I had a few (well, more than a few) "what if" scenarios that paralysed me. I expressed some of my 'worries' with a friend of mine...who assured me that I was being crazy, and my what-if scenarios are highly unlikely.

I read as much as I could online about homestudy agencies, adoptions agencies, the process, etc. I learned that I had to have an agency that was licensed by the State to do homestudies in my city/county. That limited the number to choose from. I decided I wanted an agency that was close to our home...and really hate going over to San Francisco (except for occasional outings), so a couple of agencies were eliminated based on that alone. I didn't want to travel over the bridge for my meetings, educations courses, classes, etc.

Then, I needed an agency that is knowledgeable about international adoption in general (and Ethiopia in particular would be nice). One that was reasonably priced, with a good reputation. We found one...in Walnut Creek.

Now - some decisions have been made: international over domestic. Ethiopia over Latin America. Walnut Creek agency for homestudy. Leaning towards Americans for African Adoptions as the placement agency. That's pretty much all the information you need to get started.


"Mail the damn thing already" my friend instructed when I shared with her my reluctance to send the homestudy adoption agency the application (plus fee).

I finally mailed it on January 3rd.

US Department of State Intercountry Adoption

This is important information regarding intercountry ethiopian adoption:

United States Department of State Intercountry Adoption - Ethiopia

International - Which Country?

It's a new year, and the time seems right to begin our long-awaited journey of international adoption.

The very first question is -
From which country do we adopt?

Initially we had no preferences...the world was wide open. We were just interested in helping a little soul out there achieve their purpose. We would be honored to participate in the Divine Plan in this way.

Our preferences -
Short wait time
Child of color (since most people seem to prefer white babies)
Child from a Country in need
A country that we connect with
An ethnic group that's represented in our part of America
We prefer to have the option *not* to travel
We prefer to *not* spend tons of money


Exclusion Criteria -
Those countries we aren't to qualified to adopt from
Countries that require more than one trip
Countries that require extended trips
Unstable programs
Overly expensive programs/countries
Super long wait times
Those countries lacking American Agency representation
Controversial or shady operations
Severe political unrest such that business cannot be conducted

After a bit of research and information gathering, we were able to eliminate some countries immediately. Some because they didn't fit us...and some because we don't fit their requirements. Our serious final considerations included the following:

China - It seems everyone is interested in adopting a Chinese girl - which is great. But when I look at my own kids, and think about how difficult it is to place 'kids that look like mine'...I'm very much drawn to adopt a child who may be otherwise 'difficult to place'. With China being so popular, I don't feel that the children are hurting for good homes. Additionally, as a country, I'm not very impressed with China these days.

On a practical level, the wait times for a healthy Chinese infant/toddler is about 3 years. That's just too long.

India - I would love to adopt an Indian baby. I love the culture, the country is progressing in the right direction, and the Indian population here is quite large. The kids are generally healthy, and the country is an English speaking country and is used to dealing with Americans. We've even considered traveling to India, and possibly making a home there. The Indians here are a welcoming group with rich culture that's actually becoming mainstream American. We feel that and Indian child would "fit" into our family, and not feel like 'the only one of his/her kind.' (more on this later)

Practically, however, India doesn't let non-Indians adopt their children. There are some special circumstances, exceptions, etc...but in general, only Indians can adopt Indian children. We're not Indian...so that's a no go.

Guatemala - Latin America was very attractive, nearby, and a very familiar culture to us in California. The wait times are very short, and the babies are well cared for.

Practically, many agencies have closed their Guatemalan programs. There was some controversy over the "integrity" of the adoption process. We're not interested in unstable programs that are fraught with controversy. We simply love the idea of helping a child who exists in the world by supplying them with a forever family in which to thrive. We have no interest in stealing children, or otherwise participating in shady adoption practices.

Colombia - on the short list for the same reasons as other Latin American countries. But, travel is required, which is a drawback.

Ecuador - infertility is required by some agencies. Travel required, two trips typical.

Haiti - seemed like a very viable option. Plus side - children of color (that are more difficult to place); will likely more readily fit into our family. Great need, and familiarity.

Practically, the program is new with lots of setbacks and kinks. Additionally, the time period from referral to arrival home is over a year. That's too long.

Zambia - on the plus side, very simple process. You actually go a 'choose' your child from the orphanage (with associated pluses and minuses). There are lots of kids there who *really* need homes.

Drawback is the program is very unstable...and there are/were no American agencies who'll represent you over there.

Sierra Leone, Liberia, Ghana (and other West African Countries) - the programs are few, unpredictable, and unstable. Adoption has enough innate unpredictability.

South Africa - has closed adoptions to Americans.

Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan - all require extended stays in the countries, or multiple visits. We cannot interrupt our lives traveling and such with our two children, our jobs, and our lives here. Also, the expense is outrageous. The price people pay for a white baby.

Bulgaria, Georgia, and other Eastern European countries - all require travel, some with extended stays and multiple trips.

Cambodia - requires you to live there for a period of time. We had no plans to move.

USA - we of course thought about the here. I'll explore this in another post on 'domestic vs. international.'

So, a handful of countries remained:

Taiwan, South Korea - close runner-ups. But, given the choice, we don't want to travel. Eliminating Taiwan. South Korea was a finalist.

but - I have a "friend" (someone I know) who was adopted from Korea by a Caucasian family. Major issues with this for her. Being the only Asian in her world, she felt isolated. Even when she interacted with other Koreans in America, it was apparent that she was not "Korean." I understand how it feels being "the only one." It's no fun. Since we're not Korean, cannot pass for Korean, and really don't know many Koreans....that 'isolation issue' was a concern for me. Afterall, this adoption isn't just about us. And it seems to us that many Asian cultures are very exclusive, tight knit, and value lighter skin and caucasian races. Where we live, it's quite uncommon for African (Americans) to really intimately interact with Asian groups. Being that our family is African, German, Irish, etc...we thought we'd further isolate an Asian child in America by sheer prejudice of our society. Major consideration...and seems too contrived and complicated.

Whereas...

Ethiopia - (Ultimately our choice). Ethiopia has a very stable adoption program. It's quick, simple, and short. It's not overly expensive, and there are multiple American agencies who work in the country. It doesn't require any traveling, at all (which was huge for us). Even if travel is desired, only one 1week trip is taken. The children are not as "desired" by the rest of the world (being brown-skinned and all)...and the conditions in the country helps one feel good knowing that, by adopting this child you are actually participating in helping him/her realize their greatest achievements. The culture is rich, the history impressive. There is a large East African population in California. The children are beautiful, and will fit into our family perfectly. And connecting with Africa in this way...seems like destiny. Africa - where life began!!

Additionally, an Ethiopian child will not likely feel 'like the only one' or out of place in our family. Our Ethiopian child will be African-American...like the rest of us African Americans. Same issues, same external perceptions. It will not be obvious that the child is adopted (although that's not a big issue for us, but considering the child it's something to at least consider)...a sense of family/belonging, is good for the Soul. An Ethiopian child will likely not feel like 'the only one.' Nor will their attempts to reconnect with Ethiopian culture in California be difficult.

So, we decided on Ethiopia. Ethiopian kids need our help. They aren't as "desired" by the masses, making them a top choice for me. The program is stable, relatively inexpensive, quick, and no travel is required. We fit the requirements as a family, and we think that an Ethiopian child will really thrive in our family. We are very interested in expanding our worldly perspective, and Africa is the perfect place to start!!

Why International vs. Domestic

A great explanation here.


Cutty tried to impress upon the boy that there is more to life than the (drug-dealing) corner. ''The world is bigger than that, at least that's what they tell me,''

''How do you get from here to the rest of the world?''

In America, so many of us are so caught up in our la-la-lives that we fail to realize that the World is a great big place. The above quote from The Wire captures this thought process exactly for many Americans (not just the ghetto folks). We are arrogant, ignorant, and complacent as a nation - which is only possible because our lives are relatively rich (especially compared to much of the world). Even the poorest chump in our poorest city needn't starve. With our supersized menus on the cheap, foodstamps, and just the general availability of food/shelter, and access to healthcare (via ERs/EMTALA), even the most destitute of our poor have a significant leg up on the *average* person living in many other spots on our globe.

I can appreciate the difficulty of really achieving the American Dream, if both of your parents are cracked-out, and you had to raise your younger siblings in a project or trailer park. I know that the quality of schooling varies, and is largely determined by the amount of money in a community. I have witnessed first hand the abandonment of American kids in ERs, trash-cans, and family members' front porches. Being born addicted, or without access to loving parents, can really set a person back. I know this. And there are lots of kids in America who need families, and I am not impeding this process.

But, any child born in America in this day has significant advantage over a poor child born anywhere in Africa or Latin America. Poor in Ethiopia or Somalia can mean death...and frequently it does. Life expectancy is way lower in poor 3rd world countries. Many children have no one...and there is no 'social support system' in place to coerce strangers to care for them. There are no EMTALA ER visits...or foodstamps to go to the local fish-fry. Unlike our homeless here, there is no supersized burger to be found in the trash can...or cans to recycle for cash. A child born in America has so much opportunity, just by being American. A child born in America has access to books, schools, educators, healthcare, food, shelter...and many of their basic needs are met. They have the ability to make a decision to better themselves, and ultimately acquire many of the "luxuries" that define "success." Even with absent parents, this is possible...and many can attest to this fact first hand.

Clearly there is an psychological component (although money doesn't equate emotional stability, just consider Britney Spears or Paris Hilton). A nurturing home environment, healthy and consistent meals, excellent health, and stable overall environment has a huge impact. Undeniably. I'm not saying children in America are without need. What I'm saying is, children in other parts of the world have different and more basic needs.

With so many needs in the world there are many avenues in which to help. When considering our contribution, we had to consult with our hearts. Divine desires are placed in our hearts to help guide us to/thru our evolution. Our purpose. We care about world peace...we care about genocide in Darfur. We care about autism, environmental pollution. We care about illness, disease, and poverty. We care about women's rights, civil rights, and modern-day slavery. We care about the war in Iraq, corruption of government(s). We care about Mercury in vaccinations, skin eating bacteria, and the dying off of bees. We care...really.

But, people develop certain passions. They soapbox on certain issues. These passions and issues come about various ways. Some experience an illness and begin a fight (such as Christopher Reeves). Some have family members fall ill with conditions that spark their fire to get involved (such as Holly Robinson Peete). Some just educate themselves about a subject they find interesting...and become involved that way.

We have a desire to learn the world. We have a desire to break out of this 'American mindset' that keeps so many of us "trapped" in our la-la-lives, wondering how "we get from here to the rest of the world." We desire to incorporate another culture into our lives, and have a very important and heartfelt reason (and constant motivation) to learn about a group of people we know almost nothing about. We have a desire pull someone into our 'blessed' environment (an environment that is very much a gift that we've been graced with) and share. We believe this is what people are supposed to do - share. Care. Take interest in other cultures, in other people. To give what can, in a way that feels good to your heart.

Sharing our "stuff" and our love with an African child sounds like it'll feel very good. Having a reason to learn all about everything Ethiopian feels good. International adoption, for us, incorporates many of our core beliefs into our desire to participate in the world.

Limiting our adoption efforts to local children doesn't expand our perspective to our satisfaction. Our efforts would feel less significant if the child already has access to...America. And our efforts, to be real and lasting, should feel 'significant' to us. Our contribution should be heartfelt (with that desire placed there by the Divine). And with enough need to go around...we chose international. Many others will have that light in their hearts to seek American children for various reasons. And for them, that's exactly what they should do.

Summary -
International adoption: expand our perspective, participate in another culture, learn something new, give a child (that would not otherwise) access to America.

Additionally - it's not uncommon for domestic adoption to go awry, and for prospective adoptive parents who opt to participate in the foster-care program to see their children taken from them. For example, with PACT in Oakland, as a prospective adoptive parent, you are expected to shell out tens of thousands of dollars to pay for healthcare of the birthmother. (Care that she'd otherwise have government assistance with). And after the time (year or so involvement), money, and "auditions" (i.e. the portfolio and the birth mom *choosing* you) drama...she can change her mind. That's understandable...I mean, how could it not be? But, the kicker is...you don't get your money back (from the agency). If that happens to you...it's just "one of those things." And these kids are very likely to have had intrauterine exposure to crack, alcohol, STDs, and malnutrition, etc. And here you are, lined up to 'undo' what has been done by the mother...

...it just doesn't feel as if the prospective adoptive parents are given any props for stepping up and being willing to intervene to lessen the likelihood that this crack baby will grow up and be a huge burden on society. Almost a thankless task in America, really.

And we won't even go into the 'value' stratification and 'price' of the babies based on race, gender, etc...

Adoption-ready 11/30/2007 - 12/31/2007

We first started talking about adoption before we were married. One of those "one day...wouldn't it be cool to adopt a child?"

Then, the thought of *really* making a difference....AND learning another culture to boot was even more intriguing:

"I know, wouldn't it be *way* cool to adopt internationally?" That, my friend, would be a big 'something special', we concluded.

Well, now that our two biological kids are here, healthy, and well on their way to 1st grade and pre-k....we feel "one day" is today.

So, while at work I started asking our social workers about the process. I was educated about homestudies...birth mothers...dossiers. And eventhough I hardly understood the overwhelming amount of information at the time...I felt motivated. I've always had the 'interest' but, until just now...lacked the motivation. I think it's because I had so many other things going on...and now they are over. I had certification specialty exams to prepare for (then travel to take). I'd recently started brand new jobs...then there was the Holidays.

But now...now I have time to involve myself in other interests. We're in a groove...and I suddenly feel very motivated to begin the adoption process. This is the time...it seems.

So, I asked the social worker for agency references for homestudy. I asked my family if they had any pearls of wisdom to offer. I did internet research, and even contacted (more than a few) places for info.

Our preliminary process:
11/30/2007 - Received information from hospital social worker I requested a few weeks ago.

12/2/2007 - Called the recommended agency. I accidently contacted them twice, and the chick actually seemed irritated?! They are way in San Francisico anyway...I don't frikin wanna go all the way over there...for meetings/education/business. So, scrated them off the list and kept looking.

12/12/2008 - Made contact with a local agency that does only international homestudies - Partners for Adoption. We're pretty sure we're going international....so they stay on the short list.

12/28/2007 - after reading books, doing internet research, and meeting families/hearing stories of both domestically adopted and internatially adopted families - we decide to go international for sure.

12/28/2007 - So we choose Partners for Adoption for our Homestudy agency. We complete the application...and it sits on the piano...waiting to be mailed....

...are we sure we're ready to do this, because $250 has to accompany this application.

My new favorite book...

There's No Me Without You

These are the stories that exemplify a not-so-unusual journey of Ethiopian children. This book follows one woman's path that lead her from a typical upper middle-class wife/mother in Addis Ababa...to inadvertently running an orphanage. Some of the children's stories have happy endings. We are blessed to have participated in helping create a "happy ending" for one less orphan.

I've chosen a few little snipets that really touched my heart. There are many, many more...but I think Ms. Melissa may not appreciate me re-publishing her entire book on my blog :o)

***

Haregewoin saw six-year-old Meskerem for the first time, alone and forlorn...

"She was living alone with her mother when her mother died," said the MMM staff worman.

In the night, Meskerem woke up missing her mother. She began crying before she was even awake, a high nasal sound like a siren in the distance. Her anguish woke up Haregewoin and made the old lady cry, too.

***

One night, Haregewoin was awakened by an insistent tapping on the steel door of her compound. In her nightgown, barefoot, she crept to the teel outer door and listened...

A tall thin man swayed on the road. He wore a wool sports jacket and tie. His eyes were bloodshot and his mustache unkempt. She though he was forty-five, and intoxicated; later she would learn he was twenty-nine and a nondrinker. A tiny girl slept in his arms.

"My wife has died. I am Theodros. This is Betti."...

Betti was four, he said.

Haregewoin pulled her flannel nightdress closer around her and stood on tiptoe to look. "so small?" she asked.

"Here," he offered with sudden enthusiasm, "you may see how she was before."

He maneuvered one hand away from the blanketed bundle to his pocket and pulled out several wallet-sized portraits of Betti. Taken one year earlier in a photographer's studio, they showed a bright-eyed, pigtailed child in a yellow satin leotard and tutu. Her round tummy stuck out and her hands were raised above her head in ballet position...

"Please, madam, I heard that you are helping the children. It would only be for a short while." ..

...She accepted the sleeping girl from the father. He bowed deeply to Haregewoin and stayed angled forward, hands clasped.

***

Mekdes Asnake was five years old and lived with her grandfather Addisu, her young aunt Fasika, and her little brother, Yabsira, in a hut on a shared dirt compound outside of the capital... Sometimes the family had firewood; when they did not, the circle of ashes on the floor was black and the hut was cold. They subsisted, year-round, on eggs.

The children's late father, Asnake, had been a day laborer in coffee processing. One day when Mekdes was three or four years old and waiting impatiently for him to come home and play with her, she saw a strange thing: he approached the house but suddenly knelt and lay full length on the dirt courtyard for awhile, before getting up and coming inside...

...Mekdes had not recovered from the horror of Asnake's death when her mother began to get the same disappointed, surprised look on her face. At night under the blankets, Mekdes and Yabsira snuggled close to their mother. By day, Mekdes, then four, chatted busily to her mother so she would be happy again.... But Mulu grew still; blisters encroached on her body, too; her eyes protruded and did not blink often; her voice grew hoarse...

Mekdes helped her mother by running to neighbors with important messages, and by taking care of Yabsira, twenty months younger...she carried him on her hip as her mother once did. When she fed Yabsira, she set food by her mother's side, too, and removed the untouched plate later...

...then one night Mulu did not move at all and Mekdes understood that her mother had died.

...The grandfather patted down each of the children, giving small aimless tugs and tucks on their clothing; he bent and kissed Mekdes hard on each cheek, then stooped and tried to do the same with runny-nosed Yabsira. Each aunt took a child's hand and the family stepped into the mud yard...

...Haregewoin hurried across the courtyard to greet them...

After handshakes and kisses all around, and commiserating talk among the adults, Haj and the young women began to depart. Mekdes felt the air at her back, and suddenly aware that her aunts were no longer behind her --they were walking toward the exit! Mekdes shrieked and ran after them. how would she find her way home to her grandfather? Aunt Fasika and Aunt Zewdenesh turned around; and they stroked Mekdes's face, kissed her many times, and told her good-bye...

...Mekdes turned inside out with grief and terror. She understood: she was being abandoned! She arched her back in protest. She pulled out of Haregewoin's grasp, fell backward to the ground, and writhed there, beginning to shriek.

Then she stood up and ran after the departing adults. She ran straight at the metal door of the compound, without slowing down, and hit it with a bang: it threw her back onto the dirt; she was up again in an instant, running straight at the door again. Bang...

...In the dirt, she went through all the prostration of grief; she knelt facing the door, bowed forward till her head touched the dust...she moaned and rocked and reached her hands out beseechingly toward the metal door.

I slipped out of the door myself to see what had become of the adults who'd dropped off the brother and sister. I thought I'd spot them at the top of the dirt hill, heading home, but they were right there, right outside the door of the compound, and they, too, were grief-stricken. Two pretty young women in their twenties had covered their faces with their shawls and were rocking and moaning, too: "Aii aii aii," they cried. One held out her hands palms up as if asking God for answers...

***